Internal/External Adversity

I could feel it in my bones,

a sadness through the marrow,

reaching deeper than thought before,

reaching into my soul, my core.

So I picked up my pen,

I wrote down my life,

I wrote down my triumphs,

first friend, first kiss, first time with a girl,

my graduation,

first time with a guy,

finding friends who love me no matter who I am,

and then I wrote down my failures,

my pains, my hardships,

my heartbreaks and losses.

I poured onto the page my every last memory,

my every last thought,

my every last wish,

my every last regret, promise, and plan.

My wrists bleed blue and black ink,

my skin marked with my words,

my tongue wrapped around a phrase I'll spit,

my heart filtering out my mind's pain.

You snap and applaud,

while I rip open my rib cage

and unleash the beast, the monster from within -

I set it free every time I speak or write a line,

I set it loose when life gets to be too much.

Forgive me if my rhyme is off or gone,

forgive me if my words don't make any sense anymore,

forgive me if you don't like what you read or hear,

but I didn't write this for you,

these are the words that I write to build my palace,

my place of sanctuary from the outside lies,

and the more you negate my life, my words, my lines,

the less I want you here.

With a growl the sadness retreated,

with a roar it fled in fear,

now only vitality courses through these veins,

only life remains.

Exit - Stage Left

Lords, protect me,
this woman knows not what she's done to me,
she's pushed and pushed and provoked me -
she's sent me mixed messages,
from wanting tender love,
to want to tie me down.

What am I supposed to do,
excuse me for not wanting
anything to do with you,
especially not since you drove me
to almost insanity.

I'm sorry my dear, wait,
no, I'm not.
I've swallowed paint thinner
and fire for too long now,
it's been too long to begin
to think about letting you
back into my life -

Don't you hear the exit music,
can't you hear the orchestra swell,
don't you see the door -
I suggest you walk out now,
be civil,
before security shows you out.

Our love was an apocalypse.

One shot, two shots, three shots down,
here I lie with a mango rum crown.
Fall asleep in the bathtub tonight,
who knew that my soul wasn't alright.

Three shots, two shots, one shot up,
alcohol and tears mixed in my paper cup.
Waking up with your name on my lips,
who knew that our love was an apocalypse.

One day, two weeks, three years gone,
it looks like we have both lived and moved on.
Maybe "us" wasn't for our best,
now it's time for our love to be at rest.