Realization

Let's see here:
Heart ripped out
Torn to shreds
Thrown back in my face
Insides rotting,
voices chanting inside my head
calling for my inevitable death
my life apparently through

but stop -

crawling up this hill:
therapy sessions
visits to the shrink
crying out in soul-gripping pain,
no longer a threat to others or self
Mother says "I'm proud of you"

but wait -

time for the refrain:
coffee dates
flirting across the room
an earth-shattering kiss in the hall
Voices online whisper
You're gorgeous, it's true

How'd this happen:
I was dying two months ago
and here I am feeling safe to bare my soul
I thought I'd never be here again
but I wouldn't dare hold back these words,

I'm moving on without the pain I held onto for so long,
I'm seeing new people and learning to laugh
learning to let myself love again,
I only dream of you in my nightmares,
how beautiful it is to wake without you next to me,
no longer am I wanting to wither away,
now I'm back to how I'm supposed to be,
carefree and without worry, finally happy,

In my nightmares you'll live, but in my dreams
and in reality I'm finally free,
so kiss my ass and stay in the shadows where you belong,
to think I was going to let that mistake last lifelong.