Think Things Differently

Have you ever tried to think about things differently?
Not just from another perspective, not from just another person.
Have you ever closed your eyes tight and wondered what life would be like -
If you had done things differently, if they hadn't said those things, spewed those demons.
Have you ever sat back and watch life go by,
gnats flying high, trying to escape the inevitability -
we all die?

Have you ever curled around your lover, held them tight?
Wish that they never had to cry, wished they never left.
A bleeding catastrophe, your heart on love,
stop sacrificing it, it's not a bull or a dove.
Stop trying to find the right one in the next one,
stop searching for a treasure that has a mind of its own -
time when time alone will bring them to you.

Its not healthy, this fear and anger you carry,
no one is meant to carry those bags for so long,
drop them and take a breath, stretch, laugh,
have you ever tried to lift a weight heavier than yourself?
It's impossible without help from friends and lovers and even the liars -
For even they will show you the way from this pain you carry.

Will you close your eyes tonight and wonder what life will be like -
If you do things differently, if you don't say those hurtful things,
if you don't drown your sorrows in liquor trying to chase your dreams.
Will you lay back and let the stars fly by, dreams not dead but soaring a little higher?
Will you think things differently?

I'm Not O.K. (And That's O.K.)

I walk into my room and your scent hits me,
I'm not ok.
I say your name instead of someone else's,
I'm not ok.
One of our songs comes on the radio,
and I'm not ok.
I hear your voice call my name in a crowded room,
and I'm not ok.
I always look around me in a communal area, for fear you're near, and I'm not ok.
I fear burdening my friends with this pain from you,
and I know I'm not ok.
I walk into the office, close my eyes, and tell our tale,
and I know I'm not ok.
I share my pain with someone, and in their eyes I can see,
I'm not ok.
I look at my reflection, make a face to make myself laugh,
and while sound comes out, etched around my eyes are the lines that read, I'm not ok.
I'm curled up in bed tighter than noose around a dishonorable man's neck, and I hear through sobs,
I'm not ok.
I wake from dreams of me screaming I'm not ok, and I realize, I'm not ok -

And that's ok.

I see how far I've come without you,
and I'm ok.
I hear the sighs of relief off the rooftops too high to survive from,
and I'm ok.
I sing the chorus to one of our songs loud,
and I'm ok.
I claw my way back to humanity,
and I'm ok.
They hold my hands and whisper,
I'm ok.
I laugh hard at a joke for the first in a long time,
and I'm ok.
Someone tells me that they've liked me for a few years,
I'm ok.
It is becoming less and less lonely in bed,
and I know I'm ok.
No longer do sunrises and sunsets feel so bittersweet,
and I'm ok.
I can hold my head up now,
and I know -

I'll be ok.

One Month Later

I've walked the same halls,
sat in the same booths and ate the same food,
sung at the top of my lungs to the same lyrics,
slowly the memories change,

It was supposed to be forever and always,
but our lives had changed,
one of us grew up, the other not so much,
and suddenly the two became only one,

The tears and pain are still there,
mingling and dissapating amongst the new;
new adventures, memories, friends, excitement -
the memories of past which had rotten inside,
are being changed for fresher times,

No regrets for what we had,
Only regrets that we ended so badly,
I'm changing my life with each new breath,
I'm moving on, and I'm no longer sorry.

Drifting through Life

Looking back on the shores of security and past memories,
desperately paddling back
but the winds of time push us farther out
into the ocean of adulthood,
forcing us to make decisions --
to drift or to drown,

Friends drifting on bottles of whiskey and wine,
on cigarette packs and scars of relationships,
All of us hoping that there isn't a crack,
that there are no holes,
fearing we'll go under,
like our dear friends of old.

Rocks of goals,
smashing our dreams into failures,
Sirens of uselessness call us
spinning our bottles into whirlpools of depression,
how tight we hold on as we sink lower,
some of us get lucky and come out all right,
some of us we'll have to meet on the Other Side.

Words from a 20-something year old
fall on deaf old ears,
See my generation falling around you
you haven't learned everything,
life will give you one last lesson --
your kingdoms will fall to the tides of our tears.