Realization

Let's see here:
Heart ripped out
Torn to shreds
Thrown back in my face
Insides rotting,
voices chanting inside my head
calling for my inevitable death
my life apparently through

but stop -

crawling up this hill:
therapy sessions
visits to the shrink
crying out in soul-gripping pain,
no longer a threat to others or self
Mother says "I'm proud of you"

but wait -

time for the refrain:
coffee dates
flirting across the room
an earth-shattering kiss in the hall
Voices online whisper
You're gorgeous, it's true

How'd this happen:
I was dying two months ago
and here I am feeling safe to bare my soul
I thought I'd never be here again
but I wouldn't dare hold back these words,

I'm moving on without the pain I held onto for so long,
I'm seeing new people and learning to laugh
learning to let myself love again,
I only dream of you in my nightmares,
how beautiful it is to wake without you next to me,
no longer am I wanting to wither away,
now I'm back to how I'm supposed to be,
carefree and without worry, finally happy,

In my nightmares you'll live, but in my dreams
and in reality I'm finally free,
so kiss my ass and stay in the shadows where you belong,
to think I was going to let that mistake last lifelong.

Questing Divinity

You won't find the Divine in the pews,
You won't find Jesus in the tent pole revivals,
You won't find Buddha in lotus-positioned monks,
You won't find Allah in suicidal wahabi-extremists,
You won't find any of your saviors,
your gurus, your holy leaders in
golden gilded, marble arched
architectural monstrosities in religiosity.

No

But you will hear them amongst the laughter in a soup kitchen line,
They will be there cooking for hundreds daily,
They will be there within the stranger giving shelter to the homeless,
They will be there giving time and the odd cigarette to the homeless man
down the street that you pass everyday,
They will be there in the sidewalk ushers who help women go into
Planned Parenthood for something other than abortions,
They will be there within the activists crying out for social change
amongst the citizens of our nation,
They will be there within those whom you cast prejudiced thoughts
at as if they were stones thrown at their skin and bones,
They are within you and me when ever we stop leading
self-centered lives and realize that our brothers and sisters are in need
of help and we actually stop and fucking help our fellow human beings.

There really is no pride in being rich,
and no real shame in being poor -
it is only so when we forget that the Divine doesn't want us to covet
more than our neighbor -
they want us to fucking help each other without
qualms or quarrels.

You want to see your Divine?
Look to your neighbor who is hurting,
and help them.
Love them.

Be a decent fucking human.

A Cosmic Feverdream

Who knew that it would be from the tears of the Sun -
a pain so fierce it gave the
gnarled tooth & fanged beasts some falter.

Only from the teary-eyed was a passion so realized
it enabled humanity to not only live-
but to sing hymns of praise and destruction,
to soar and defy laws made by man's mind from within
the centers of both the known and
the unknown universes.

Overtime, as man realized that man
can soar higher than the birds and angels,
can delve deeper than the fish,
can live longer than their ancestors have
been in the ground -

Humanity has risen out of the dirt
and dust and twigs
to impossible heights higher than
mounts, thrones, and altars -

Man has pulled himself onto
the realm higher than Gods,
conquered the second & third mind,
foreseen wars & calamities,
has elevated fellow men to the rest
amongst the stars -
man, woman, child -
all buried deep within lies
the true essence,
an arcane realization -
that within us lies the universe,
lies the answers,
lies our future.

Humanity has become it's own God.

It's So Good To Be Alive

It wasn't what you thought
when you beat your head on the wall again,
Could you believe this would come from your own mouth?
When you would hide in you room,
hiding from all the pain and shame your pride made,
did you think that this would be a lie?
It's no secret that there would times you wanted to die,
that the darkness would fill up inside,
but hear the shout cry out;

Happiness isn't a lie,
It's good to be alive,
Everyday is a new day,
It's time to make a new path and
live life in a new way ~

So she came and took what was remaining of "us" and left,
You curled into a ball so tight,
having just made your life alive again
and suddenly you weren't alright,
It's ok to let the past go by,
but this night will pass,
and tomorrow you'll learn again how to fly!
Read the words etched by the stars in the sky;

Happiness isn't a lie,
It's good to be alive,
Everyday is a new day,
It's time to make a new path and
live life in a new way,
it's so good to be alive!

Senseless Thoughts

It wasn't the sight of roses painted red,
dripping beside my bed,

It wasn't the smell of cheap instant coffee
simmering in my favorite chipped mug,

It wasn't the taste of your sex
lingering on my lips from last night,

It wasn't the embrace of the sheets wrapped around me
protecting me from the cold morning,

It wasn't the sound of old blues being the soundtrack
to the vision of wild love made last night,

It wasn't any of this
which made me miss the thought of you
in bed with me.

A Tame Way To Go

"Wait, what? Catch me up - you said a what found her passed out in the apartment naked?" TK nearly choked on his latte.

"Like I said bro, you know how I finally started working at that really nice company? Well I finally have some cash in the bank, and I decided to do something nice for old Grams, so I hired one of those male cop strippers to go 'round her place and give her some fun. And he didn't find her naked, that's how the neighbors found her; naked and in bed with the stripper - Alex Hunglow was the name I was given if I remember..." Mike trailed off, watching the shock ease of his brother's face.

"Man, what is Mom going to think when she hears...never mind thinks, she's going to skin us! Skin you! Though...have to admit, if there was a tame way for Grams to go, it had to be this..." TK looked down into his latte, unsure of how to break the news to his mother.
____________________________________________________________________

A shelf full of knick-knacks, a jar of loose buttons and thimble kisses. Mike had been in this place numerous times - Christmases, Thanksgivings, Easters, the time he introduced his ex-wife to the family, and the night he crawled home drunk after being served the divorce papers. This place, this home of Grams and all kinds of warm memories & cold truths, this place was now quiet.

He sat on the bed, jumping quickly when he remembered just what kind of position his grandmother was in when she died. Apparently, from what he could find out from the gossip of the neighbors, the cop stripper and grandmother were going for the PBR record of upwards of an hour on the bull.

"It's different, isn't it?" Mike jumped at Sister Billie's voice, "We all said she was more person than half the people in this damned home, but we hoped she'd get out of here...Come on kid, the other's are down in the dining hall."

Sister Billie, Grams' tribal sister and closest friend led Mike out of the apartment and down the hall towards the dining hall.

Neither of them heard or saw the figure slip out behind them and out the back door.